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TOP TEN REASONS WHY NORTHERNERS SHOULD NOT MOVE TO FLORIDA
1.MOSQUITOES:Florida is notorious for these biting insects. It is not unusual to encounter massive clouds of these insects that can inflict thousands of painful bites in only a few seconds. The worst thing about Florida 'skeeters is not that they can carry malaria, it's the deadly ENCEPHLITIS that has concerned so many residents over the past few years. At times, ENCEPHLITIS concerns have caused closures of night time outdoor events. The good news is that we "think" that Florida mosquitoes cannot transmit the HIV virus, but don't bet on it.
Watch out for the west Nile Virus also.
2.HURRICANES:These powerful storms have caused thousands of casualties and have wiped entire residential areas off the map. The deadly hurricane of 1928, claimed over 2000 victims in just South Florida alone! A more recent hurricane, Andrew, destroyed over 3000 mobile homes, 70,000 acres of mangrove, 63,000 residential homes, and left 250,000 homeless. If you think this sounds like fun, then consider this, Andrew only ranked as the 23rd worst on record and was not even ranked in the most powerful category. But you ain't seen nothing yet,Cause the big one is long over-due!
3.CRIME:Florida's major cities rank among the most crime ridden urban areas in the nation. From home invasions to car-jackings to murder, both Floridians, and tourists alike, have had their lives shattered by increasing crime. Statistics indicate that most of Florida's criminals are usually low-lifes from the Northeast. So, if you encounter crime in Florida, a likely probability, please don't blame us Natives, the perpetrator will most likely be one of your own home-boys from up North!
4.DANGEROUS WILDLIFE:The Sunshine State is a subtropical region, full of all kinds of critters, including alligators, man-eating sharks, poisonous snakes, insects, and the infamous skunk-ape. The good news is that in all the gator attacks on humans, only a few victims have been eaten. [although it is difficult to fully account for victims eaten by sharks and 'gators, since there are never any remains. It is possible that many of Florida's missing people may have been lunch for some man-eating creature, although we would rather believe that they were victims of rising crime, see #3 above.] Development is forcing our wildlife into neighborhoods of newcomers. It is now common for a 'gator to show up in a backyard swimming pool, and eat the family dog, or for snakes to slither their way into homes, perhaps looking for one of Florida's giant cockroaches. However, if you are a herpatologist, then Florida will be a dream come true.
A 12 foot gator killed a 12 year old boy yesterday will swimming with friends. 6/18/03
5.HEAT AND HUMIDITY:Florida's tropical climate can be unbearable to the newcomer, especially on your electric bill due to running an air conditioner around the clock. Sunstrokes and sunburns are common, we promise that you will get one or the other, especially if you were not born here and climatized to our environment. We won't go into the humidity problem, which causes severe mold and fungus, ever try to clean an inch of mold from bathroom tiles?
6.TORNADOES:Next to the Midwest, Florida is a tornado alley. Unfortunately, in Florida you cannot dig a storm celler due to the water table, you might survive a cyclone but would probably drown in your celler. [Also see snakes in #4 above]
7.LIGHTENING:Florida is the lightening capital. Each year many are injured or killed by lightening bolts, usually tourists on open beaches. A single thunderstorm can produce up to 2000 lightening strikes. Don't forget your lightening rods!
8.SINKHOLES:Another strange geological wonder of Florida is the sinkhole. They have swallowed entire houses in a matter of hours. In 1981, a huge sinkhole, 300 feet across and 100 feet deep, opened up in downtown Winter Park and gulped down a portion of a city block. There are only 2 cases on record of a person going down the tube, and one case of three cows that were devoured by a sinkhole.
9.FLOODING:We won't even mention flooding, hey, what'd ya'll expect, this is Florida a land of a swamps, rivers, and lakes. Those rings on trees are what we Florida Crackers call water marks. High water brings many problems other than water damage, see snakes in #4 above.
10.RED TIDE:This microbe menace threatens hundreds of miles of coastline and there is no way to predict an outbreak of Red Tide. It kills tons of marine life, including manatee. It contaminates coastal recreational areas and causes severe respiratory problems for coastal residents. The worst is that the toxins produced by Red Tide can become airborne and carried inland by the winds. Several outbreaks have been so serious that people have resorted to wearing gas masks. The air force, during one outbreak, was called in to fire bomb hundreds of square miles of the Gulf in an attempt to kill the Red Tide organisms. In 1964, one outbreak covered 14,000 square miles of the Gulf of Mexico. Red Tide is caused by a one celled organism called Gymnodinium breve, which produces a nerve toxin and mutiplies rapidly on the ocean bottom.
THE BEST REASON FOR NOT MOVING TO FLORIDA, IS THAT THERE HAVE BEEN NO MASS MIGRATIONS OF NATIVE FLORIDIANS TO THE NORTHEAST AND THUS, HAVE NOT TAMPERED WITH YOUR WAY OF LIFE. THEN AGAIN, WHAT SELF-RESPECTING FLORIDA CRACKER, WOULD WANT TO LIVE NORTH OF THE MASON-DIXON LINE?---AFTER ALL THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE GRITS UP THERE!!
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1.MOSQUITOES:Florida is notorious for these biting insects. It is not unusual to encounter massive clouds of these insects that can inflict thousands of painful bites in only a few seconds. The worst thing about Florida 'skeeters is not that they can carry malaria, it's the deadly ENCEPHLITIS that has concerned so many residents over the past few years. At times, ENCEPHLITIS concerns have caused closures of night time outdoor events. The good news is that we "think" that Florida mosquitoes cannot transmit the HIV virus, but don't bet on it.
Watch out for the west Nile Virus also.
2.HURRICANES:These powerful storms have caused thousands of casualties and have wiped entire residential areas off the map. The deadly hurricane of 1928, claimed over 2000 victims in just South Florida alone! A more recent hurricane, Andrew, destroyed over 3000 mobile homes, 70,000 acres of mangrove, 63,000 residential homes, and left 250,000 homeless. If you think this sounds like fun, then consider this, Andrew only ranked as the 23rd worst on record and was not even ranked in the most powerful category. But you ain't seen nothing yet,Cause the big one is long over-due!
3.CRIME:Florida's major cities rank among the most crime ridden urban areas in the nation. From home invasions to car-jackings to murder, both Floridians, and tourists alike, have had their lives shattered by increasing crime. Statistics indicate that most of Florida's criminals are usually low-lifes from the Northeast. So, if you encounter crime in Florida, a likely probability, please don't blame us Natives, the perpetrator will most likely be one of your own home-boys from up North!
4.DANGEROUS WILDLIFE:The Sunshine State is a subtropical region, full of all kinds of critters, including alligators, man-eating sharks, poisonous snakes, insects, and the infamous skunk-ape. The good news is that in all the gator attacks on humans, only a few victims have been eaten. [although it is difficult to fully account for victims eaten by sharks and 'gators, since there are never any remains. It is possible that many of Florida's missing people may have been lunch for some man-eating creature, although we would rather believe that they were victims of rising crime, see #3 above.] Development is forcing our wildlife into neighborhoods of newcomers. It is now common for a 'gator to show up in a backyard swimming pool, and eat the family dog, or for snakes to slither their way into homes, perhaps looking for one of Florida's giant cockroaches. However, if you are a herpatologist, then Florida will be a dream come true.
A 12 foot gator killed a 12 year old boy yesterday will swimming with friends. 6/18/03
5.HEAT AND HUMIDITY:Florida's tropical climate can be unbearable to the newcomer, especially on your electric bill due to running an air conditioner around the clock. Sunstrokes and sunburns are common, we promise that you will get one or the other, especially if you were not born here and climatized to our environment. We won't go into the humidity problem, which causes severe mold and fungus, ever try to clean an inch of mold from bathroom tiles?
6.TORNADOES:Next to the Midwest, Florida is a tornado alley. Unfortunately, in Florida you cannot dig a storm celler due to the water table, you might survive a cyclone but would probably drown in your celler. [Also see snakes in #4 above]
7.LIGHTENING:Florida is the lightening capital. Each year many are injured or killed by lightening bolts, usually tourists on open beaches. A single thunderstorm can produce up to 2000 lightening strikes. Don't forget your lightening rods!
8.SINKHOLES:Another strange geological wonder of Florida is the sinkhole. They have swallowed entire houses in a matter of hours. In 1981, a huge sinkhole, 300 feet across and 100 feet deep, opened up in downtown Winter Park and gulped down a portion of a city block. There are only 2 cases on record of a person going down the tube, and one case of three cows that were devoured by a sinkhole.
9.FLOODING:We won't even mention flooding, hey, what'd ya'll expect, this is Florida a land of a swamps, rivers, and lakes. Those rings on trees are what we Florida Crackers call water marks. High water brings many problems other than water damage, see snakes in #4 above.
10.RED TIDE:This microbe menace threatens hundreds of miles of coastline and there is no way to predict an outbreak of Red Tide. It kills tons of marine life, including manatee. It contaminates coastal recreational areas and causes severe respiratory problems for coastal residents. The worst is that the toxins produced by Red Tide can become airborne and carried inland by the winds. Several outbreaks have been so serious that people have resorted to wearing gas masks. The air force, during one outbreak, was called in to fire bomb hundreds of square miles of the Gulf in an attempt to kill the Red Tide organisms. In 1964, one outbreak covered 14,000 square miles of the Gulf of Mexico. Red Tide is caused by a one celled organism called Gymnodinium breve, which produces a nerve toxin and mutiplies rapidly on the ocean bottom.
THE BEST REASON FOR NOT MOVING TO FLORIDA, IS THAT THERE HAVE BEEN NO MASS MIGRATIONS OF NATIVE FLORIDIANS TO THE NORTHEAST AND THUS, HAVE NOT TAMPERED WITH YOUR WAY OF LIFE. THEN AGAIN, WHAT SELF-RESPECTING FLORIDA CRACKER, WOULD WANT TO LIVE NORTH OF THE MASON-DIXON LINE?---AFTER ALL THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE GRITS UP THERE!!
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